The Not-So-Wonderful Wizard

"I can't believe it!" said Gwen, looking happily in the tower room mirror. "I thought we were really sick, didn't you?"

"Sure felt like it," said Lance. "Anyway, I don't feel like staying in this room any more. Let's get out of here."

As they made their way back down the long staircase, Gwen said, "What do you think happened to the real Gwenevere and the real Prince Lancelot-while we were taking their places, I mean?"

"Who knows?" said Lance. "Maybe they were wandering around here in Adventure Castle while we were there. It wouldn't surprise me if Org had a dozen kids running around this place."

"Maybe," said Gwen. "Where to, now?" They came to a landing.

"How about that way?" said Lance, pointing to a doorway on their right. They discovered another stairway that wound in a downward spiral. They went farther and farther down until they were below ground. The air grew colder and very damp, and the stairwell smelled a bit mouldy.

"We must be even deeper than the basement," said Gwen. "How far down is this thing going to take us?" But as she spoke, they rounded another turn, and the stairway ended at a single cobweb-covered door.

"Ugh!" said Gwen. "Do we have to go in there?"

"Do you want to climb all those steps again?" demanded Lance.

Gwen sighed. "No, I guess not." But she hung back and let Lance brush off all the cobwebs. He pulled, and the door opened with a scraping sound. More cobwebs hung across the inside of the doorway.

"Ick!" said Gwen as they pushed their way through, "I'm going to have to wash my hair after this."

"Right," jeered Lance. "Have you seen any showers in this place?"

Gwen didn't answer. She was busy looking around. They were in a room more cluttered than any room Lance had ever seen. There were tables piled with pots, pans, and dishes. They were all full of nuts, bolts, wires, and gadgets. Leaning against the walls and hanging on them as well, were all kinds of tools. Baskets, ropes, and other items hung from the ceiling.

"Must be some kind of a storeroom," muttered Lance.

"Well, we're not likely to find much adventure in here," said Gwen. "Unless something falls off the ceiling and hits us on the head. You know," said Gwen suddenly, "Everything has been a lot different than I expected."

"What do you mean?" asked Lance.

"Well," said Gwen, "when Org said the castle had gateways to other lands, I thought he meant lands from famous stories-you know, like Narnia, or middle Earth. I didn't expect all these strange places no one ever heard of. Just once, I'd like to go someplace famous, from a famous book."

"Like where?" asked Lance.

"If I could go anywhere, I'd go to Oz and meet the wizard."

"I thought he was just a humbug," said Lance.

"I don't care," said Gwen. "I just want to see the Wizard of Oz."

As she finished speaking, she heard a scraping noise behind her, and both of them gasped. A door in the wall, which neither of them had previously noticed because of all the tools, was slowly opening.

They saw a very old man, with gray hear and a long gray beard. "Pardon me," he said. His voice sounded old, too. It was a creaky, musty sort of voice, as though it hadn't been used in a long time. "Did someone call me? I thought I heard someone call my name."

"No," said Gwen. "I was talking about the Wizard of Oz."

The old man began to laugh-a rusty, crackling sort of laugh. "Oh, dear, oh dear," he chuckled. He stepped into the room, and they saw that he was a very little old man-barely taller than Gwen, and he wore a long and very dusty purple robe, covered with moons and stars, and a tall purple wizard's hat. "I'm afraid you've come to the wrong place," he said.

"That's for sure," said Lance. "You're not the wizard of Oz."

"No, I'm the wizard Ozwald," the old man said. "I brought you here because I thought I heard you calling me. I'm afraid my hearing isn't what it used to be," he added apologetically.

"Brought us where?" asked Lance, confused.

"Here, of course," said the old man, waving his arm to indicate the room. "Welcome to my laboratory."

Looking around, Lance and Gwen realized for the first time that the room had changed. Now the tables were full of bottles and beakers instead of dishes. The walls were now lined with shelves, which were stuffed with more bottles, beakers and jars. Herbs and all types of plants hung from the ceiling, and there were books everywhere.

"Where are we?" demanded Gwen. "Are we still in the castle?" "Oh, goodness, me, no!" exclaimed the wizard Ozwald, chuckling again. "I haven't lived in a castle for years-not since his majesty the king threw me out. You're in my cottage-though I prefer to call it my laboratory."

"What king?" asked Lance.

"Why, it was the good king, ah.er.well, bless me if I haven't gone and forgotten his name!" said the old man, shaking his head. "But that's why he had to ask me to leave. I was the royal court wizard, you see, but my memory was going. I couldn't remember the spells, and I made mistakes."

"Great!" muttered Gwen. "I ask for Oz the great and terrible, and I get Ozwald the small and absent-minded."

Ozwald didn't seem to hear her. "Oh, he was patient with me at first," the wizard went on, "until I accidentally turned the Queen into a toad. Then, of course, I couldn't blame him for firing me."

"Is she still a toad?" asked Lance.

"Oh, no. I finally remembered the words and turned her back. But I'm afraid she was left with one little side effect that made her unhappy."

"What was that?" asked Lance.

"Warts," said the wizard sadly.

Gwen snickered. The wizard turned to her with a smile. "I'm sorry I brought you here by mistake, my dears, but would you like some breakfast?"
Gwen looked around at the bottles and beakers. " I don't know."

"Bless you, I didn't mean in here," chuckled the little old man. "I meant in the other room. This is where I do my experiments."

"What kind of experiments?" asked Lance, interested.

"Why, scientific experiments," said the old man. "Shall I explain?"

"Can we have breakfast first?" interrupted Gwen. She never had liked science in school, and she was very hungry.

"To be sure, to be sure," said the old man. "I forgot. Come this way."

Later, when their stomachs were full of sizzling sausages, homemade bread and tea, Ozwald took them back to the lab and explained about his experiments. "You see," he said, "after the king had to turn me off, I decided it was too risky for me to ever practice magic again. So I have become a scientist. I have studied physics and chemistry. I use my lab to conduct experiments and invent things which may someday help mankind."

"Wow!" said Lance. He began walking around the lab, looking at all the experiments in progress.

"Yes," said the ex-wizard earnestly, "I'm proud of my work. Right now, I'm working on a way to keep cereal from getting soggy in milk."

Gwen choked. "I see," she said. "That would be really helpful." "Yes, I really try to be useful," said Ozwald. "But I have only one problem-my bad memory. I start experiments and then forget them."

Lance wasn't really paying attention. He was picking up various bottles and examining them. He picked up a test tube full of a strange blue liquid and smelled it. It smelled very strange, but delicious.

"And I get things in my lab mixed up," said the old man. "Sometimes I get leftover magic potions mixed in with my new scientific chemicals."

Lance, still paying no attention, took a sip of the blue liquid. There was a sudden explosion and a puff of blue smoke.

Gwen cried, "Where's Lance?" She couldn't see him anywhere.

"Oh, dear, oh dear, I should have watched him more closely!" wailed Ozwald. "I ought to have known this would happen!"

"But where is he?" cried Gwen. She was frantic.

"Down here!" cried a voice from somewhere near the floor. Gwen looked under the table. To her horror she saw a large greenish-brown toad on the floor. It which looked up at her, burped loudly, and said, "Boy, that was really wild stuff!"

"Lance!" cried Gwen, "You're a toad!"

The toad looked up at her, grinned, and burped again. "Yep!" it said.

"Oh, Lance!" wailed Gwen. She was almost in tears. "What did you do? Did you drink from one of those bottles?"

The toad nodded, and looked ashamed.

"Lance, how could you!" groaned Gwen. "don't you remember what you learned when you were little? About drinking from strange bottles that might be poisonous? And didn't you learn anything in D.A.R.E. class?"

The toad hung its head. "I forgot," it croaked sadly.

Gwen turned to the ex-wizard frantically. "Can you help him?"

But to her dismay Ozwald just muttered, "Oh, dear, oh, dear."

"What's wrong?" demanded Gwen. "You helped the Queen once!"

"Yes, oh yes indeed," mumbled Ozwald. "I turned her back into a person, and I wrote down the words on a piece of paper so I'd never forget, but." he sat down and put his head in his hands. "Oh dear, oh me."

"But what?" shrieked Gwen.

"But I can't remember where I put it," said the ex-wizard. He got up and began looking inside jars, and under lids, and in various drawers.

"Some wizard," muttered Gwen. "Oh, if you only had a brain."

"Eh? What did you say?" asked Ozwald.

"Nothing," said Gwen. "Oh, Ozwald, you've got to find it. If you don't, Lance can't ever go home."

The toad looked almost as though it had tears in its eyes. "There's no place like home. There's no place like home," it croaked sadly.

"I found it!" exclaimed the Ozwald joyfully. He held up a paper.

"Thank goodness! Turn him back, quickly!" cried Gwen.

The ex-wizard looked at her. "I.I'm not sure I can," he said.

"Why not?"

"I'm not a wizard any more," the old man said. "I gave it up long ago. I promised myself never to use magic again."

"Please!" begged Gwen. "You can't leave him this way."

"Oh very well," said the wizard reluctantly. He looked at the paper, and coughed, and his face got very red. "There's just one more little problem," he said. "I've.I've forgotten how to read it. It's in the language of wizards, but I've forgotten it all. I'm afraid he'll have to stay this way."

The toad looked at Gwen sadly. "Goodbye, Gwen."

Gwen looked around desperately. "There has to be a way. No one ever gives up in the storybooks. Dorothy didn't give up-wait a minute!" she exclaimed. "Water! I need a glass of water!"

Thirsty at such a time?" muttered Ozwald. But he brought her a glass.

Gwen snatched it from him and threw it on the toad. "Water was all Dorothy needed to melt the witch! Maybe it will save Lance too!"

"Really? I must read that story," said the ex-wizard.

The toad's skin began to sizzle and drip.

Oh, Lance, thought Gwen, what if I was wrong and I melt you away?

Suddenly, there was a loud "pop!" and another cloud of blue smoke.

When it cleared, Lance was standing there in his human form.

"What happened?" he asked, looking confused.

"Lance!" shrieked Gwen. She was so happy she almost hugged him.

"Well bless my soul!" exclaimed Ozwald. "It worked! Just plain water. Fancy that! I must use it in my science experiments more often!"

"I don't believe it," muttered Lance. "Now I know I'm not in Kansas anymore."

"We have to go now," said Gwen to the ex-wizard. "Can you get us back to where we came from-without having to use magic?"

"Certainly", said Ozwald, pointing to the door in the wall. "Just go right through that door. It is a gateway." He opened the door. "Oops, sorry, I forgot-that's the closet. Ah yes, here's the right one over here. Farewell my dears. I've enjoyed your visit."

As they walked through the door, Gwen remembered, "The paper-I forgot to give it back!" She turned back, but the door had disappeared. But as she looked back down, she realized that once again the paper held a clue.

"Home is a treasure
it's price is beyond measure."

"Just a fancy way of saying, there's no place like home," she said.

They looked at each other and shrugged. Gwen put the piece of paper in her pocket. As they began climbing the stairs, she said, "Maybe I've changed my mind about being in a famous story land. They couldn't be more exciting, and we always come back safe-so far. We did this time."

"Yeah," said Lance. "But there's just one problem." He was scratching the back of his hand. "I think I'm getting warts."